"Fugue for Scientists"
Words by Tom Lehrer
copyright (c) 1951
Tune: "Fugue for Tinhorns", from "Guys and Dolls" by Frank Loesser

These lyrics are posted here with permission from Tom Lehrer. You are encouraged to download them for your own use, and to notify others of the URL (web address) for this page, or the more general URL of this site. You may not post the lyrics elsewhere on the internet, nor sell copies. All other rights are reserved.

Because the original tune is under copyright, we are not posting the recording here. However, you can get a good sense of how the song works by starting this video of the original, and then following along with the lyrics below.

Brief notes: "Prof. Oldenberg" is Otto Oldenberg, chair of the Harvard physics department from 1948 to 1952, and author of the book "Introduction to Atomic Physics". "President Conant" is James B. Conant, who was president of Harvard from 1933 to 1953, and who pushed the US government to develop the atomic bomb. "Loint" is "learned" pronounced with a Brooklyn accent.

Mathematician (Tom Lehrer):
I'd like to say right out,
that math's a thing, no doubt,
the other sciences would be lost without.
It's true. It's true.
Professor Oldenberg says it's true.
And if Oldenberg says it's true,
it's true, it's true.		 Physicist (Lew Branscomb):
.
.
.
.
.
.
. 		Chemist (David Robinson):
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
It's true.
It's true.
Professor Oldenberg says it's true.		 But as a scientist,
I really must insist,
that it's physics that ought to head the list. 		.
.
.
And if Oldenberg says
it's true,
it's true, it's true.
But after all is said,
math is way ahead,
Who else can do research while lying in bed?
It's true,
it's true:
Professor Oldenberg says it's true,
And if Oldenberg says
it's true,
It's true, it's true.
But let me make the point:
There's things that should be "loint"
Besides inventing ways to blow up the joint.
It's true,
it's true:
Professor Oldenberg says it's true,
And if Oldenberg says
it's true,
it's true, it's true.

Math--

That's us!		 That's right,
that's right.
Professor Einstein says that's right,
And if Einstein says
that's right,
That's right, that's right.
The atom bomb's a bit
of genius you'll admit,
Just think of all the people we've killed with it,
That's right,
that's right,
Professor Einstein says that's right,
And if Einstein says
that's right,
That's right, that's right.
I really can't condemn
the guys who take up chem,
For learning how to cook may appeal to them!
That's right,
that's right
Professor Einstein says that's right.


Physics--
That's us! 		But boys I cannot see
how you cannot agree
that the most important is chemistry!
Oh yes,
oh yes,
President Conant says oh yes,
And if Conant says
oh yes,
Oh yes, oh yes.
But listen here to me,
where would your A-bomb be,
if it were not for little old chemistry?
Oh yes,
oh yes.
President Conant says oh yes,
and if Conant says
oh yes,
oh yes, oh yes.
But you can be sure, chum,
that in years to come,
we are the guys you're gonna be hearing from.
Chemistry--


That's us!


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Background image: covers from some of Tom Lehrer's albums